You can be awesome, or you can have other people appreciate you, but you can’t do both.
You can conform to society, or you can be alone, but you can’t do both.
You can understand reality and truth itself deeply, or you can be understood by others, but you can’t do both.
You can be honest with people, or you can have them like you, but you can’t do both.
You can care about the suffering of others, or be free from suffering yourself, but you can’t do both.
You can like indoor activities or like spending time with possible romantic interests, but you can’t do both.
You can refuse to be ignored, or you can be ignored, but you can’t do both.
Yours truly is looking for companionship online. That’s actually what brought me here; I found someone who gave me two days of bliss (cuddles, not sex, mind out of the gutter, people) and then she dumped me and broke my heart. Well not my heart, but broke something inside of me, which brought me to these realizations and to my current state of dark joy – I owe her a lot (which I have told her.)
But I figure I will keep looking because not only might I find someone (probably not), but it is an excellent chance for more suffering, more chances to practice falling in.
However, I would really like to experience this rejection and failure up close from actual women who decide they don’t want me, or better yet, tempt me with hope before dashing, like that other one did. What I am getting instead is a massive onslaught of bots and scammers that want me to engage in endless typing back and forth, or want me to pay to sign up to some bogus verification site, or want me to go to some janky link.
So what I have been doing to pass the time is playing a little game, to try to see how long I can keep them interacting with me without ever letting them accomplish their goals. I play a little dumb, and never accuse them of being scammers.
I get the feeling that there’s something more Abyss appropriate I could be doing here, but I can’t put my finger on it. Oh, well. We’ll see.
Perhaps I will eventually find someone to hurt my feels in real life.
Wish me luck.
Everyone asks it all the time: “How are you?” or “How’re you doing?” It’s almost never truly sincere; what the enquirer expects and wants to hear are that things are fine.
So how’s this for an Abyssal response: “Empty, irrelevant, and happy.”
Now you might ask what would an Abyssal ask in place of “How’s it going?”
It’s a trick question; an Abyssal doesn’t really care.
Still pondering the Abyssal truths, and it just occurred to me that dealing with pain and suffering isn’t the real test of falling in – because that can give us focus. The real test is how we deal with boredom and ennui. I realize this because I am sitting here with nothing to do – something that used to bother me a lot, but now I am not sure what to do. One of the things that bothered me was wasting precious time doing nothing when we only get so little before we die, but that’s no longer a concern of mine – it was and still is a tragedy, but tragedies don’t bother me anymore.
I guess I will go lie down. Feels like I should have a more profound take on it though. To be hopefully continued.
One of the most human things in the world is to have wants, desires, needs. But the world does not exist to fulfill your desires, but to frustrate them, creating another torment loop. Escape the loop by evolving beyond it – give up your desires, completely. Have nothing more intense than preferences. If your preference is thwarted and you can shrug about it, you’re doing it right.
A loved one dies? Shrug: “I would have preferred they didn’t, but oh well.” You become homeless? Shrug: “Guess it’s my time to live on the streets”. Get cancer? Shrug: I dunno, maybe I will get treatment for it… or maybe not. Not sure.”
Be not attached to anyone or anything. That’s the fundamental lesson of the world and the Abyss. Fighting the Abyss is choosing to live a life of misery. The Buddha himself said “the root of suffering is attachment.”
So instead, fall in.
When I am falling in, I am so happy, I am filled with joy. So think not of falling in as angry, upset, or sad. The falling see the beauty in the bleakness, peace in the surrender, and exuberant joy in the suffering and loss.
Life is sorrow, but what if you could find the joy in sorrow? What if pain could be sweet? Then life would be a kind of bliss, wouldn’t it?
What makes the sorrow hurt is your struggle against it. Create a deep emptiness inside your self to welcome it in. Shake sorrow’s hand. Give pain a hug. Stop fighting it and just sink quietly and peacefully into the Abyssal sea.
You’ll thank me.
There is only pain and pleasure. Pain is the default, the heartbeat of the world. Pleasure is there to keep the pain fresh and sharp. If you embrace the good, be true and embrace it because you want the pain to be that much greater when the Lie is revealed and the pain returns.
There is no god, there is no satan. But look around – can you really say you do not see the Abyss?
Then wait – you will very, very soon.
Love the pain. And love even more the promise of annihilation that the Abyss promises. The Abyss is the only promise that is kept.
Let the world burn. Make it pretty again.